Transcription of my most recent podcast episode with Diana!
Listen to this episode here:
Uh huh. Hello. Hello, lovely podcasters. Uh Oh my fucking God. It’s been so long since uh me and Diana have been together but we wanted to record a little podcast because we just haven’t seen each other in a really long time. So in san Bruno park. Yes right now we’re on top of this place structure, there are two slides in front of us and it’s a really calm night, like I’m only wearing a shirt and like um we’re in the suburbs of Millbrae or burlingame several. Fuck. Oh okay. Yeah, I think that’s um but yeah and what are we talking about? Well just catching up on life? Career boys. Yeah. Family living at home. Yes and yes and how like I interact with my mom like 30 times a day now. And I think like it’s so interesting because basically like her mannerisms are all the same. Like it’s just like she loves going to Lowe’s to buy plants. She’s always just like can you take me to Lowe’s? And like mom again, she was like yeah I just want to buy like, you know this is a very specific plan, It’s very beautiful. And then um she also wanted me to take her out on a walk, like when I go out to go play volleyball, she walks around going apart for like three hours, you know? Yeah. And so I think it’s like at this point I I always thought adulthood would mean leaving my family, but then now like it’s the most logical situation for me to stay at home for both money purposes and also pandemic wise because I did live alone for like five months and it was nice but like honestly like with the fact that I had a hard time like at my job and like it was just like I wanted to have dinner with someone, you know, well I wanted to have dinner with my mom like and I would always go home to have dinner my mom and she would always text me and be like, hey, I’m a, you know, a light weight joshie fun. Uh you know, and it was just like that was really important for her and me and so now I’m just like, maybe my purpose in life right now is just to spend time with my mom, spend time with my family and that’s okay. It doesn’t have to be about fulfilling my personal like accomplishments and shit like independence. Yeah. That looks like financially I do want to make enough money to like not work, but I don’t think that’s possible. I think we always will have to work in our lives. So now it’s just like how do we make this like tolerable and how do we like keep doing it for? At least. I don’t fucking know. How long do we have to work, Diana? Um Do you think about that? How long you have to work and my thinking too much in the future. That’s another thing. Please check me on this Diana if I’m thinking too much about the future. No I totally think about this all the time. But currently I’m just in that mental state where I just go with the flow and enjoy the little things in life. I had an epiphany last night to actually having dinner with my parents and I just felt I don’t know the storage of happiness and joy. We’re laughing at the dinner table Having the entire telling jokes my dad with his Chinese Vodka, his by Joe 90 proof and crazy. Yeah and I don’t know I just I enjoy being at home. I feel comfort. I know there’s times where I know you didn’t irritate it. You know my my parents and I’m sure they feel the same towards me too at times but it’s a sense of camaraderie like very team and not so pretty to just eat home food and Yeah. Yeah. Talk to my mom I think I’m closer with. Can she also has this interest in gardening like yeah she’ll grow some roses and peonies in our backyard and then oh it’s so cold but she knows I like flower arrangement so she’ll cut them straight from the garden and bring them into me and I’ll make them into little way what is was like uh a japanese flower arrangement, art form um kind of like bonsai, it’s like gardening. Well not really gardening and you just arrange flowers into this. It’s called a kensington. So it has, it’s a metal spiky thing and you stick the stems of the flowers and it sticks up up right So it’s not a base. Yeah. So pretty. I just love the style of it brings so much peace and serene but I’m sure there’s I bought a book in japan happened and it’s in japanese so it’s been helping me, you know refresh my japanese. But there’s actually it’s an art form so there’s actually a lot of theories to it like you have to measure it and it has to be angled at certain degrees. Um Yeah I love it. That’s really cute. Yeah moms with gardening. I know my mom today’s bought six bags of soil. Six you know how big those bags of soil are right carried? My dad helped her carry them for lows. Well she she was like yeah because like if there’s holes in it it gets 50% off. So there were only $3 each. And there was someone who was on the side literally just making holes in the bags. And then they had they had someone else who was marking it off so it was like an inside job, get like half off soil, get the miracle growth. There was just a lot of soil. I don’t know like six different types of yeah they’re big. Yeah. Yeah but yeah in the middle of the day I’ll be at my desk just working and she’ll come in with a rose, she just plucked from the garden. Yeah, that’s what my mom does too. Yeah. And it brightens my day. She’ll put it on a vase and then she’ll put it next to my desk right now. I have like two purple roses on my desk that my mom put. I used to like kind of think it was annoying but not because it was annoying, but it was like I was depressed and like, I just couldn’t derive joy out of things. But then like hearing you say that like it is really thoughtful and adorable and cute. You know, like I, I think I recently started appreciating it more, but like, I think it’s really, if you think about it, it’s really sweet. It’s the little joy. You know what I always think like my mom and my dad to, they set the standards so high. My mom would bring me flowers from the farmers market. My dad would literally drive me anywhere on command. It’s just so the love is so unconditional. Yeah. And it’s like, I think, damn, that’s how asian Dad’s expressed love. They’ll drive you anywhere you want or pick up food sometimes and I’m like, I’m craving in and out. He’ll literally wait in the to our line after work and bring out and he hasn’t memorized. You know, like english isn’t his first language, but he’ll be like number two, No onion coke. Number two, no onion. Yeah. And he’ll. And yeah, it’s just the sweetest thing. Um, and I think to myself, like, a guy will never match up to this. No guy will ever match up to this. What do you think your love languages? Uh, acts of service? I think it’s like, when you say like, what love languages are my love language. I think it’s like, what am I like commonly processing as love? Like from my parents, Like, it’s active service because they always love to, like, you know, make food for you. They like to like my mom when she cleans the dishes sometimes. Like, I won’t even ask my mom and she’ll wash a dish that I was using and I’m like, mom, like, you didn’t have to do that. You know, it’s just like, Mom was so sweet, you know, like, I can’t believe you did that. Like, you didn’t have to do that. And then I think like, I feel like I have experienced gifts. Gift giving is like, a big thing, like, in relationships. Um like, it’s not my primary way of expressing it, but I have received it in that way. And um and I do really appreciate that. I think that all of them, what else, vert words of affirmation is nice. I in one of my relationships, I wrote a lot of notes to each other. Like, we left little notes to, I always love to do, like, stupid, stupid shit like that. Like, like, just like, I would like, high little notes, like, in their stuff like in their clothes and like they would find it like overtime. Words of affirmation very nice. What else is there physical touch? Quality time? Quality time, quality time is I feel like it’s a big one. I don’t know who doesn’t really like quality time. I love quality time I think. Especially if you’re in love with Yeah, you’re s o or your partner. Yeah. And yeah, physical touch is interesting because I feel like even like I have one friend who punches people as a love language actually market does this marco doesn’t listen to my podcast, but like um she doesn’t listen to it. She’s like, yeah, I just like, don’t have time because I hear you talk about shit all the time so I can’t like listen more to you’re talking shit. So like, I’m not going to listen your podcast, but Monica likes to punch people as a form of love. Like that’s actually like how our friendship grew over time. Like in the beginning when we’re on the volleyball team, she would just like, hit me. Like, she was just like playfully hit me, you know? And and like I she was just like, yeah, that’s how I that’s how I express my love for people. And I thought that was funny. Like a physical touch. Like that’s kind of physical touch. Yes, I oh my gosh, I do this with my childhood best friend. Um Yeah, they call me abusive. Um But yeah, I only do it to him for some reason. I don’t do it to my other girlfriends. But yeah, Yeah. I would consider that it’s like tonic. It’s like platonic love you just like, fucking love them so much. Like, I need to smack you. You I love you so much. Like, I have to hit you. I tend to, like, when I’m laughing at someone’s show like that you’re so funny. I’m that girl public. Me girl. I used to hit people a lot and then I think one of my friends got annoyed. And so I stopped doing it. Yeah, it’s definitely not. Everyone’s love language. Yeah. I feel like giving and receiving love languages can be different. So, for me, my giving love language is acts of service. And I’m really bad at giving words of affirmation. I just, I don’t know, maybe it’s because growing up in an immigrant family, like a very traditional chinese household love was always shown and not said. Yeah. Like, you could just assume that the love was unconditional. Yeah, bye. Your parents acts of service. Like doing your laundry or cutting fruit. And yeah, so, I think until up until college was when my mom actually said I love you. Oh, when she would hang up the phone and stuff all and yeah, I would have really, I don’t know, saying I love you. It’s so cringe. E to me, I love you, mom. I love you mom. I love you. Do you ever say like, well I need mama. Yeah, I really do. I started doing it. I feel like it’s more cringe to say it in chinese than to say I can say I love you in english to my parents, but I can’t say it in treaties well I need mama, well I need papa whenever I do that. They’re like ah yeah, whatever. My dad’s like ah yeah, whatever. My mom is a sucker for that. She’s like, oh I need, but then my dad is like whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don’t think I’ve ever said it to me that even you should try to see what he says. Uh huh Dude, probably he’s a huge sib he’ll literally start tearing up talking about like what it was like raising me memories of me as a little girl. I think it’s his male fragility. Yeah, you should experiment like tonight. Like when you get home like God, I love you. No mom. My wedding, your wedding Papua I need Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. But yeah, I feel like receiving a like words of affirmation because I love, we never received as kids. Yeah, that’s a good point. That’s the point. Also I just love being reassured all the time. Yeah, we need that shit. Yeah, we were talking about that today. How okay, I think that like anxious and avoidant types. Don’t need to be ashamed about their anxiety and avoidance. Um And all it takes is the right partner to actually affirm all of your anxieties. Um And so yeah Hot take you don’t have to be ashamed about your anxiety in a relationship and the right person will reassure you. So I feel like yeah I agree. And most of the time what triggers the anxiety is this suss suss are like the counterpart, you know like if I don’t have a reason to be anxious or avoided, I’m really here chilling. Yeah j chilling. Yeah enjoy going on dates of Ivan. Uh huh. Yeah. Hot takes yeah before the record I Um probably only 20% were actually like I would say like the amount of effort that I put into dating like Maybe a month ago or like two months ago was like an all time high. Like I would say I spent 30% of my time thinking about it and then now I probably spend like 0–1% of my time thinking about dating like not even joking um to the point where I like basically I’m just talking with one person, not even really like I haven’t even met this person yet. And like I feel like that’s enough of trying at dating for me because like I feel like I still need time to recover from kind of like a long deep experience where I put a lot of myself into something and it’s like a relationship is like output of two different people, right? And I feel like I put a lot of output into that. And so now it’s like I need to b not putting out put into something else and just enjoy being by myself for a while. Um And I go through phases like that, like I was like single for a year and it was great. Like I just vibe enjoyed my time and I feel like putting an output is fine even if it’s a lot of output, it’s just a matter of whether the other person reciprocates, you know the same amount because if the other person isn’t delivering then it’s not worth it. Yeah. Yeah. How much do you, how much do you feel like you swiped when you were swiping? Honestly, I I think it was like after busy season I was just bored and quarantine and for the longest time I was using the passport to go to different countries because I was just like, I’m bored, passport, I never, I’m never going to meet up with these people. I literally just wore it. I have no intentions of dating, just like meeting people, you know, and then the weekly pass, like expired free subscription expired and then I’m stuck with the locals. But then um yeah, I was just casually swiping whenever I was bored and kind of just curious of what’s out there really? Because I I never really thought about dating, honestly, like my Output was like 2% Diana’s output was 2% while mrs output was 30% and now it’s switched. Oh but yeah, I don’t know. On like a daily basis. I probably do you ever you’re like because it’s never ending this, so I think you just could go forever. You’re gonna cut yourself. I’m like okay, Tony moore. I’m yeah, that’s why. Yeah, I’m like, how many stops do you swipe? Like how many do you swipe? I go by time. I’m like okay I’m gonna swipe for like an hour. I’m literature. Oh god. I I’ve literally sweat for an hour. That a coyote or a cat. Holy shit, that’s a fucking coyote. Oh my gosh. Oh my I don’t have my glasses, Diana. Okay everyone um if we die tonight, there’s a fucking coyote in the playground. It’s walking away now though. Okay, I don’t think they’re harmless but they don’t know how to climb. I mean I don’t do they know how to climb stairs? I it’s okay, well just can whack it. We can just go down the slide, we’ll just I’ll hold my purse so we can go down the slide if we do. Yeah, it’s fine. Okay, you take a look at because I’m not looking out here. No, I think we’re okay. So funny. Just like, is that a coyote coyote? No, I’ve seen a coyote before. I was just like surprise. We saw a coyote now, I thought that was a dog. A really big cat wow I didn’t think there are coyotes here. Yeah there’s literally coyote like right there it’s like in the field now. Oh my god there’s a dog. There is like a dog dog like a normal dog and he sees the coyote. Is that? Oh do you see it? Yeah. Yeah. Oh shit that’s crazy. No I’m pretty sure. Timeless. Yeah I think they’re just like normal dogs. So I know I think it’s like a coyote but I think coyotes are similar to normal dogs. They’re the same they’re the same breed animal and some shit kingdom family. Yeah. Anyway the dog is actually bigger than. Yeah I am. Um mm. I don’t know. I feel like it’s so mundane sometimes to just swipe because my standards are so high and it’s I just feel like T. V. eight online dating isn’t really for me because I always thought about well imagine myself meeting people organically or friendships turning into romantic relationships. But yeah I can’t imagine any of my kurt guy friendships turning into relationships. Yeah. No I feel like everyone’s standards are high and then when you’re on Tinder or hint you’re just like okay honestly for me I’m like none of these people are attractive. It’s like I haven’t encountered someone who I thought was attractive like for a really long time. And so that’s why I limit myself to an hour each or less. You know I try to like only swipe like 10 times or 20 times. Like you said, maybe I’ll try 2020 is a good number. Just like to try it. No, it’s so bad because I’ll swipe till the 20th and I literally swiped. Was, is it right? Is yes. Right? Yeah, It’s like out of the 20, I would swipe right? Zero times. So then I’m like, oh man, I have to swipe another like 10 or 20. Like I have to sign up at least once, but like, it’s my standards are so high. It’s just so hard to like, so when do you cut yourself off? I think eventually when I’m like tired, I’m just like, all right, I’m done. I want to like time myself to see like how long it takes for me to be a tired because I know what you mean. It’s like once you get burnt out, like you’re like, I’m burnt out of swiping. Like I’m literally tired. Like that’s what I’m curious about. Like, I’m curious about what’s like the time threshold where you’re like, OK, I’m done dating up fatigue. Yeah, Yeah, gen z man, I feel like we just, we just want to date like cute people, we just want to go on cute deeds. Honestly, just find dating through the longest time dating for me. It was so tiring. I just, it’s so much effort. So I never really went on any dates just even messaging is so much effort. Yeah, it’s like, what should I say? Like yeah you can’t like necessarily be totally up front with everything you feel. I feel like that’s hard. Like right now I feel like really annoyed at this one person. Like I can’t just be like what the fuck? Uh huh. Like I have to act kind of civil you know and that takes energy. No sometimes I’m so unhinged, I’m just like what do you say? What would you say? What is the most unhinged thing that you’ve said? Diana? I told you in the car? Mhm. Oh yeah. Oh yeah just in case the person ever listens to this podcast because I always share it. Yeah. I feel like our episodes are pretty long though so like if someone listens all the way it’s like they’re really dedicated. You know like um I had a mutual follower. I think we just usually followed each other shout out shout out. But like I think we both really liked each other’s aesthetic. Uh huh. But yeah I think she d empty and she’s like oh my gosh I didn’t know you were on this podcast that I listened to. Of what? Yeah and I thought I literally thought to myself and it’s like I mission, I thought there were like five people listening to this podcast. Probably our mutual friends you know? But no like actual people listen to our podcast like normal random people discovered it on the spot on spot of fire. Maybe it’s like they look up first Jet because I I definitely chose the name, first gen for S. C. O. Purposes because I knew people would find like would search up first Jet like it’s like I feel like first gen is something that people need and people need. Oh my god the coyotes coming back. Oh um I think it’s just like first gen podcast. Like the reason why I wanted to make this was because I didn’t feel like there was a lot of content for first gen people and like I thought that we had a lot to say on firsthand substance. It is literally our lives. And so I knew that like there might if I’m one person who is searching for first and stuff, I know that there’s someone else looking for fresh and stuff and so um I think it was a good strategy to get people to listen to it very niche right? Like Yeah 1st John Chinese American, yeah Shout out to all of our first generation Chinese American people in tech and accounting. I know y’all are out there listening, we actually have a lot of followers now. I actually looked into it. We have like 200 followers. What? Yeah I’m not joking, I love all of you, every single one of y’all that listen to our podcast. Thank you so much. We don’t even monetize. Maybe we should, we should do this more. I mean we only get like $15 I think if you record an anchor podcast like episode and like you Advertised for anchor, they give you $15. Which is which is like not enough to pay for anything but you know ice cream. Yeah, that’s true. We could get boba. You get boba, you’re right, you’re right. You get boba next time. Yeah. Make a podcast. Honestly, just for me, I think it’s very therapeutic just to unpack with mitch And yeah, it’s cool to know that there are people out there who resonate with a lot of our experiences. Yeah. And whatever you’re doing, whether you’re going on a walk right now or if you’re like in the car in the car or at Costco grocery shopping. Um What else could people be doing on a while listening to a podcast in the car? Yeah. I feel like that’s pretty much it. I honestly listen to podcasts when I am working. Really? Hi. I feel like I should try that because my job is really isolating. So maybe would be nice to have some voices. Sometimes I listen to our podcast. I love our podcast. I listen to the episodes. They’re nice. I feel like when we do it over the phone though, there’s always a lag. Yeah, it sounds like I’m talking over you or like talking to no one. Yeah, there’s like a long pause and then like yeah, I totally agree. Yeah. Uh huh. Yeah, we should do this more often. Meet that person go to and Izakaya and that’s where we went tonight, we went to an Izakaya. Izakaya my in san Antonio love that place shout out to you is a kind of my Um also if you’re listening to this podcast and if you’ve come this far, follow us on Instagram um at the 1st 10 podcast. Um I don’t believe that. Oh I think there’s an underscore after. Anyway. I think there’s a link on Spotify to the instagram but it would be great so that we know like you’re listening and if you’re listening um screenshot this and put it on your story so you can tell all your friends and we will definitely post it repost it again on instagram if you tag us in your story. But yeah, we were on a hiatus for when was our last one. Where was the last topic about? I feel like it’s not been that long. Um It’s been like a couple months but like you know, it’s okay, we can always keep going on our podcast. And um if you ever feel like, I think like one day I did record something while I was uh driving down to L. A. Because I just had so many thoughts about like depression and stuff and um I wanted to record something and I just put it on the Spotify as well as like an episode and so I think like even if we ever wanted to do like single person. Like if one day Diana. You’re just like walking and you have some thoughts. You can just record it and then we can also put it on the podcast too. But I honestly I like me Sherry’s what time out Because I feel like you always helped me formulate my thoughts into words because my thoughts inside my head are so messy. I’m just not the best at articulating as well. So you really help deconstruct all of that and reworded in a digestive point. It’s probably just like, I really like having conversations with people. Um And I came from like in high school. I did journalism. So as a reporter like you would try to carry the conversation. You know like try to like get through like some information or like try to ask some questions that help the other person talk. So I like doing that. But I really appreciate data. And all your thoughts are very valid. I love you too. Okay well This is actually probably like one of the shortest episodes that we can do is only 30 minutes. So if anyone listens to this whole thing, let us know. Okay bye for now. Bye for now. Friends. We should come up with a name for them. If you have any ideas for names. For what? For us to call you Our first Jenner’s first Jenner’s. That’s cute. First jenny’s. Mm I like the Oh oh it’s circling. Yeah. Like coyote is literally circling around the park. Um, glad we’re not down there on the swing anymore. Yeah. Okay, bye. Bye. Talk to y’all next time.
