Stuck in the middle of two alternative realities — 10.13.2021.

The reality is that I’ve tried to live away from home- and it turned out it was too close. I had begun to pay rent elsewhere, yet was called often to come home. I couldn’t resist home cooked food, and the sight of my dog.

Over time, I realized it wasn’t financially sustainable to live on my own. It was over $2400 for rent of a one bedroom, and that was before utilities, food, and misc expenses. It was rough.

Living at home has its challenges too. Being here, I’m integrated fully into my parents’ minds and days. The mornings are very engaged, my father is cooking, my dog is asking to come in if he isn’t already in my room, and my mom is ready with something on her phone to show me. There are perks to this. I never feel alone in the morning. There are lows to this too. I never feel alone in the morning.

Around the afternoon, I can finally take time to do some deep work. Mornings are for tending to the soul, my mom, my father, my dog. Afternoons are for me. Evenings are for family to reconvene again. And the moment before I fall asleep is also for me.

It’s wonderful and dreadful how integrated I am to others’ lives. I don’t regret moving home- I was very much missing being around others. Yes, it’s a lot to deal with my mom and dad all the time, but honestly, I can’t imagine a better situation than now. Living costs are a lot. It’s not too much to bear the temporary sacrifices.

Things I’ve been doing to keep grounded:

1. When I feel overwhelmed with the feeling of needing space and going out, I either write in my journal, or find a time to leave and go out.
2. I try to schedule time to see friends every week.
3. I try to tell myself all feelings are temporary, and they will pass. ❤